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Elusive and Reclusive John Swartzwelder Finally Apppears on Simpsons DVD Commentary...Sort Of

John Swartzwelder is a hero to fans of The Simpsons because he has written so many of the show’s episodes, including such classics as “Whacking Day”, “Rosebud” and “Bart’s Comet” but even Mark Hamill has taken part in more commentary tracks for the Simpson’s DVD season collection than Swartzwelder. John Swartzwelder is a recluse of massive proportions; in a way he might be considered the Greta Garbo or Howard Hughes of The Simpsons. He is, in that respect, one of my heroes. Although it is probably far too late, I would like to be known as the most reclusive writer on Associated Content, and part of my desire to achieve that explains why I so rarely leave comments.

But there is good news for those who desire to deflate the bubble of uncertainty that surrounds the reclusive nature of those who seek comfort in anonymity. (For more information about the dark side of reclusivity, please see my article on Colour Me Kubrick…but don’t try to hunt me down and ask me about it.) During the commentary for the episode “The Cartridge Family” which is credited to the elusive John Swarztwelder, producer Mike Scully places a phone call to Swartzwelder at his home while a discussion takes place among the other participants about the history of Swartzwelder’s reclusive tendencies. It is brought to their attention that Swartzwelder has written nearly sixty episodes of The Simpsons by the time the commentary was taped for “The Cartridge Family” and Simpsons creator Matt Groening even admits that during the creation of The Simpsons Movie he practically begged Swartzwelder to take part in a commentary.

At about that time Mike Scully’s phone call goes through and a male voice answers, confirming that he is indeed John Swartzwelder and the phone call interrupted him when he was cooking a steak. Even after being informed that the phone call is arriving directly from the recording room for a commentary for the Simpsons DVD, Swartzwelder does not slam the phone down. Obviously, Swartzwelder’s brand of reclusion is not of the type that takes every effort to make sure it is kept. John Swartzwelder finally, at long last, makes an appearance on a commentary track for a Simpsons DVD and he comes across as a likeable and obviously witty individual. The phone call doesn’t last long but ends with a classic Swartzwelderian twist when he signs off by saying, “too bad this is not really John Swartzwelder.”

The appearance of one of the best and most dependable writers in Simpsons history on a commentary track via an unexpected phone call is certainly not the same thing as actually being able to hear some of his insights, especially when compared to the utterly mundane and tedious commentary that fellow writer Ian Maxtone-Graham has so far provided, but there is something about the unexpected and offbeat appearance of John Swartzwelder makes his cameo on the commentary track somehow more appropriate and fulfilling than if he’d been sitting in on all the DVD commentaries on every one of his Simpsons episodes.

Email me: timothysexton@timothysexton.com